Sometimes my daughter comes up to me and says “Daddy can I have a snack please?” When she asks this I usually look at her with a straight face and say “I don’t know can you?” She hates it when I do that!!
Maybe your father has done this to you, it is one of those things that we are told to do in the Dad’s handbook.
It is tough to know how to ask the right questions. It is tough to know what the questions are that will help you change your life, to change your focus from a negative to a positive.
As some point in our lives we are faced with a difficult situation We may feel down in the dumps with no real direction to fix our problems. Then someone comes along and says “What’s wrong?” There are those times when we clam up because we don’t know what to say. Then there are other times when we may go on for awhile with a list of problem, after problem, after problem. In the end there is no real solution, or even a possibility for a solution.
If you are interested finding solutions to problems rather than becoming bogged down in them, here is a suggestion that will help.
Ask the right questions.
For example, if you ask someone, “What’s wrong?” you will get an answer – often a long one – which will focus on the problem. But if you ask, “What do you want?” or “How would you like to change things?” You have redirected the conversation from the problem to the solution.
When we do have a problem or an issue that we are trying to work thought we do have a desirable outcome. I believe that to achieve this outcome we need to avoid asking the question “why” and instead choose to phrase it in a way where we say “how” or “what” instead.
For example, instead of asking your child why he is failing History, ask him what he needs to help him bring his grade up. Instead of asking your boss why you didn’t get a raise, ask your boss what you need to do in order to justify a salary increase. Instead of asking God why your prayers were not answered, ask yourself why do you think your prayers were not answered and what you think God has planned for you?
I know that it is hard to change the way we ask questions, but if we do — I believe we will get to the answers we need to hear. I will continue to make my daughter think about this when she asks me a question, no matter how many times she rolls her eyes at me.