Losing my Religion by REM
Of every waking hour I’m
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I’ve said too much
I set it up
The hint of the century
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I’ve said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
When I was looking through I tunes I this song stood out at me. Reflecting on the end of my second year at seminary. I am getting ready for internship, moving, ending my job at Good Shepherd as their youth director, and whatever else might pop up in the next couple of months.
I feel like this is somewhat of a dream, I feel that we have to choose our confessions — what we believe in and proclaim it to the world. No matter how much seminary thinks they prepare us, in the end we are not going to have our professors to fall back on. Or as I like to say to have the “theological gods looking over our sholders” it is going to be on us. That excites me but scares me as well.
Lastly, I think that this experience they call seminary has brought me too my knees. I have felt every kind of emotion and I have been humbled by the whole experience. I have done things I never thought I could do, and other things I wish I never did. But in the end I am on my knees thanking God, cursing God and being humbled by just a hint of God’s presence in my life.
I have been wrestling with this psalm for awhile and it just fits in with what I have been talking about:
1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from far away.
3 You search out my path and my lying down,
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
O LORD, you know it completely.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is so high that I cannot attain it.